Religion

I Want to Know What Love Is

pO157.

Posted to Religion on Tue Sep 04, 2007 at 12:11:38 AM EST (promoted by port1080). RSS.

Despite popular belief divorce rates in the United States and the UK are dropping as married couples stick together for the long run.

It appears that the common mantra of "Half of all Marriages End in Divorce" is wrong. Similarly, statisticians believe that the actual rate of divorce has dropped each year since the mid 70s or early 80s. Although the quick explanation for decrease is a simple aging of the population (older couples are much less likely to split - 60% of all divorces happen within the first decade of marriage), part of the reason could also be that new married couples were more likely to have waited.  Because of this, and the fact that those who wait would likely have more money, secure jobs, future and children, some argue this is the reason the divorce rate is dropping. Or it could simply be because nobody wants to be a single divorcee with children at age 45.

Of course, the cynical say people are sticking together longer simply because they do not want to pay the hefty divorce settlements that are becoming more and more common. In the UK, a recent ruling set the starting point for the split of assets at 50:50, as opposed to the previous situation where a man kept most and the woman simply had enough to provide for her lifestyle.

Or, it could be none of the actual reasons above. Could it all just be one giant self fulfilling prophecy? When social scientists say divorces are dropping people divorce less to stay in the 'in' crowd, until it swings wildly away?

Or... could we all just be better at knowing what love is and sticking with that one person?

Tags: edited by Port1080, written by pO157, love, true love, marriage, divorce, is what brings us, together, today, Foreigner (all tags)

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1

Re: I Want to Know What Love Is

port1080.

Tue Sep 04, 2007 at 07:59:26 AM EST

none

I don't think this is all that shocking - it's a function of changing perceptions of how marriage works. Up until the advent of feminism, divorce was not socially acceptable so you had a lot of loveless marriages, women enduring abuse "for the children" and so on. With the advent of no-fault divorce in the 1960s and 1970s, and the shift in culture, it's absolutely no surprise that divorce rates went through the roof. It's also no surprise that as all of those "bad marriages" broke up in one big clump that the divorce rate would slowly fall after that. It wouldn't be a precipitous drop off, because logically speaking older women would still be more likely to get married for the wrong reasons (since they were socialized about marriage in a pre-feminist time), and "the message" about good reasons to marry didn't disseminate equally across the country.

Also - we shouldn't (at least in the US) underestimate the evangelical / fundamentalist movement. Whatever else you think about them, those movements have quite a bit of power, and while nobody would call them feminist movements, I do think it's fair to say that the modern versions of those movements have generally preached that it's not cool to hit your wife anymore and that women should be respected (even if their proper place is in the home). These movements haven't become perfect, but they have changed enough that the most egregregious abuses have stopped, giving women less reason to flee "Christian" marriages (and, of course, if their peer group is very religious they'll have even more pressure not to divorce). So, I think it's probably a combination of the spread of feminism (and the internalization of some feminist values and beliefs by men) making women more picky about marrying the right guy, for the right reasons, combined with the shift in religious fundamentalism that have made their marriages more bearable. Unfortunately this is one of those areas where causation is hard to test and even harder to prove, due to the difficulty in accurately measuring all the variables - but it's fun to speculate!

Ce n'est pas une pipe. C'est une signature.

2

Bringing down the divorce rate

Lou.

Tue Sep 04, 2007 at 04:49:43 PM EST

none

I will do my part to reduce the number of divorces in the country...however small that part shall be.

I will NEVER get married again.

Nope...nope...never.

It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine

3

^ 2

Re: Bringing down the divorce rate

ms sue.

Tue Sep 04, 2007 at 05:19:22 PM EST

none

I will NEVER get married again.

Nope...nope...never.

I'm with you there, pal, but with a twist: I've been married most of my life, to one man. He is the only person I can even remotely imagine being with virtually 24/7. He is the only man with whom I would ever choose to live. If he should die before me, I will NEVER get married again. Nope...nope...never.

6

^ 3

Re: Bringing down the divorce rate

Lou.

Tue Sep 04, 2007 at 07:38:57 PM EST

none

I envy you Sue.  It's funny how one event (in my case a brief marriage) can be the fulcrum on which a life tilts.  Of course, I almost got married again but that too ended in glorious failure...not unlike the rebel South.  I still suspect the engagement failed due in large part to baggage  from the failed marriage.  Trustworthiness, loyalty, blah blah blah.  

So now...having lived on my own for so long, I really can't see myself sharing a space...much less a life with another person.  I just hope to god that if I wind up in a nursing home, I won't be forced to room up with someone.  

Perhaps if there is such a thing as reincarnation*, my newly reborn soul will heed the lessons of this life and perhaps enjoy the rewards of a lifetime committed relationship.

So, as dire as my tale is, as always, there's hope.

*Of course, with my luck I'll be reborn in China.  That would suck.  I mean...where would a baby even carry a permit?

It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine

7

^ 6

Re: Bringing down the divorce rate

pO157.

Tue Sep 04, 2007 at 08:08:18 PM EST

none

As I grow older I think Rod Stewart's "Ooh La La" is extremely astute. Except the part about the bitter divorces or love he's been through. Because that has not and will not happen to me.

So, I guess just the general sense of the chorus, which is applicable to my life. Jeez, if I could go back in time 10 years with what I know now, damn.

Spread it on!

8

^ 7

10 years..hah!

Lou.

Tue Sep 04, 2007 at 08:16:51 PM EST

none

Listen here, youngster...one of my rainy Sunday afternoon daydreams is to somehow wake up in my bed back in 1977 when I was 16.  Of course, the other part of the deal would be that I have to know then what I know now.  Talk about holding the clay of the world.

It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine

9

^ 8

Re: 10 years..hah!

pO157.

Tue Sep 04, 2007 at 08:31:11 PM EST

none

At least our two motivations to find the fountain of youth will at least somewhat lead to the betterment of society.

I had a co-worker for a brief period who explained that if he could ever go back in time knowing what he knew now his plans would mostly include a used van without windows, cruising nightlife spots popular with college co-eds at 3am and... yeah.

Moral of the story? Never discuss Rod Stewart with co-workers unless you REALLY want to find out about their inner workings. And then be prepared to vomit in your mouth a little.

Spread it on!

10

^ 3

Re: Bringing down the divorce rate

nmiguy.

Wed Sep 05, 2007 at 01:12:57 PM EST

none

Nope...nope...never.

Ah crap.  I gotta scratch you offa my list of replacement wives when mine croaks.  You were pretty high up on the list, Sue.  ;)

4

I Saw An Ad On Television

thefadd.

Tue Sep 04, 2007 at 06:43:11 PM EST

none

...yesterday in which the federal government asked me to tell my children not to have sex until they are married. What a fucking waste.

It is easy to buy small plaster models of what you think life is like.

5

^ 4

Re: I Saw An Ad On Television

pO157.

Tue Sep 04, 2007 at 07:23:07 PM EST

none

I knew a guy who when those PSAs or the ONDCP ads would pop on during the previews at the movies would yell "BULLSHIT!" I kind of want to, but I am afraid of messing up some pimply faced 17 year olds pirated recording of the film in question.

Spread it on!

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