Minutes Of The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy, April 1, 2008 [Humor]

thefadd.

Posted to Etcetera on Tue Sep 18, 2007 at 08:35:41 AM EST (promoted by port1080). RSS.

In a blatant attempt to smear the righteous government of Heir Bush, KSLA CBS TV News in Shreveport, LA, a television station and obvious tool of the devil, recently implied heavily that the US government would be enlisting christian preachers to "quell dissent" in the coming time of martial law, which will be used to stave off the upcoming elections. Go see the Sonics. KSLA's attempts to incite panic among the populace reached such heights that they invoked holy leader Charleton Heston.

So convincing were their salacious claims that they were reported as truth by numerous known communist organizations, not the least of which was the Georgia Office of Homeland Security (search: clergy). KSLA stoked the coals of unrest further still by noting that since the John Warner Defense Appropriation Act for Fiscal Year 2007 gave the President legal standing to usurp Congress's oversight on any suspension of the the century old Posse Comitatus Act, it would be much easier to put the US Army directly on the streets of America.

Is this such a bad idea, though? Wasn't Heir Bush criticized after Katrina for not being prepared? I mean, after he was criticized for taking everyone's guns, of course. As the Georgia Office of Homeland Security states, it offers a course:

...designed for a wide audience, encompassing the range of personnel with a role to play in a mass fatalities incident. The following list of potential target audience members are those who would benefit from this course: American Red Cross Health Services, clergy, dentists, emergency management personnel, emergency medical services personnel, fire fighters, funeral directors, law enforcement officers, media (PIOs), medical examiners/coroners, National Guard, public officials, public works personnel, Salvation Army personnel, transportation (railroad, etc.) personnel, and other significant disaster workers.

One technique KSLA irresponsibly outlined for religious leaders to employ is the teaching of Romans 13:1-7 in the modern Christian Bible. Romans 13 is often noted to be Hitler's favorite bible passage and the one he employed regularly to convince the German people that their complicity in his wholesale murder of jews, gays and retards was a beautiful flower before the eye god. Go see the Sonics. As is commonly noted in study of the modern Christian Bible, Romans 13 is an enigmatic, winding and even random passage that devolves so extremely in its final passages that one must assume the author was drunk. Romans 13:8-14 is particularly bipolar in its compilation:

8Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law. 9The commandments, "Do not commit adultery," "Do not murder," "Do not steal," "Do not covet," and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: "Love your neighbor as yourself." 10Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law. 11And do this, understanding the present time. The hour has come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed. 12The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light. 13Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy. 14Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature.

Of course, it is the even more enigmatic Romans 13:1-7 that is meant to quell unrest in times of government aggression. While some, like Hitler and, according to KSLA CBS TV News in Shreveport, LA, the US Department of Homeland Security, feel that is instills in people an affection for oppressive government regimes, others feel that it free people from the yoke of a wayward government. Go see the Sonics. Regardless of debates on the merit of the modern Christian Bible, the bible itself will remain only one of the devils many tools when he repeals Americans' first, second and third amendment rights under the auspices of martial law. Of course, maybe we were all just born under a bad sign.

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Tags: edited by Port1080, written by thefadd, vast right wing conspiracy department (all tags)

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1	Not good Lou. Tue Sep 18, 2007 at 05:44:07 PM EST 5.00 (funny, funny)

If the Romans 13 is the real deal, then I can see nothing good coming from this.

A. Either the Bible was written by a bunch of power mad bastards who were only interested in beating down folks.

B. The Bible is just a bunch of made up bullshit and adopted by power mad bastards who saw it as an easy way to beat folks down.

C. God is one mean mutherfucker.

And of course,

D. All of the above.

I tell ya what though...if Hillary wins in '08 and the religious right gets all hot and bothered I will be ready to lay down a heapin' helpin' of Romans 13.

"What do you mean, you're against the government? Why do you hate God? Eat hot Romans 13 you atheistic prick!"

It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine

2 1	Re: Not good pO157. Tue Sep 18, 2007 at 06:11:56 PM EST none

I tell ya what though...if Hillary wins in '08 and the religious right gets all hot and bothered I will be ready to lay down a heapin' helpin' of Romans 13.

"What do you mean, you're against the government? Why do you hate God? Eat hot Romans 13 you atheistic prick!"

Christ. Depending on who wins, based on this and the other (Judge) thread the next election cycle is going to be fun. I predict a lot of playa hatin'.

4 1	Re: Not good tomc. Wed Sep 19, 2007 at 11:25:55 AM EST none

A. Either the Bible was written by a bunch of power mad bastards who were only interested in beating down folks.

B. The Bible is just a bunch of made up bullshit and adopted by power mad bastards who saw it as an easy way to beat folks down.

C. God is one mean mutherfucker.

And of course,

D. All of the above.

Pretty inspiring nonetheless. Except for the silly parts near the end, of course.

3	Re: Minutes Of The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy, Apr UkraineNotWeak. Wed Sep 19, 2007 at 12:18:15 AM EST 3.00 (interesting)

Ezekiel 25:17. The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you

5 3	Re: Minutes Of The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy, Apr Lou. Wed Sep 19, 2007 at 12:24:34 PM EST 3.00 (funny)

Don't cloud the issue with all of that hippy stuff, mkay? Charity...sheesh!

It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine

6 3	Re: Minutes Of The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy, Apr rEvolution inAction. Wed Sep 19, 2007 at 07:29:12 PM EST none

"When the LORD your God brings you into the land where you are entering to possess it, and clears away many nations before you, the Hittites and the Girgashites and the Amorites and the Canaanites and the Perizzites and the Hivites and the Jebusites, seven nations greater and stronger than you, and when the LORD your God delivers them before you and you defeat them, then you shall utterly destroy them."

Deuteronomy 7:1-2, God commands genocide.

Tipping Sacred Cows

7	So How 'Bout Those Sonics? thefadd. Wed Sep 19, 2007 at 08:41:40 PM EST 3.00 (interesting)

Are they moving to OKC or what?

It is easy to buy small plaster models of what you think life is like.

9 7	Re: So How 'Bout Those Sonics? UkraineNotWeak. Wed Sep 19, 2007 at 10:22:49 PM EST 4.00 (informative)

I think it's 50-50 at this point. The admission by Aubrey McClendon that they bought it to move it doesn't square with the legally-binding condition of sale that they make a good-faith effort to stay in the Pacific Northwest. The NBA doesn't really want to leave the Seattle area, the Seattle City Council is lawyering up to keep them chained to their lease until it expires in 2010, and the Muckleshoot Tribe is offering to donate land they own in suburban Seattle for a new arena. The move by the Indians makes it very hard for Bennett to credibly claim he can't get anything done there. It would be much easier to have a local ownership group buy out Bennett, and for Bennett to turn around and buy out George Shinn and move the Hornets back to OKC. New Orleans is done as a city, they don't have the financial base to support the Saints long-term, much less the Hornets. The OKC fans showed they were ready to support a team during the Hornets stay there. That would be the sensible solution anyway. It's musical chairs involving two teams and three markets. By all means, NOLA is the city that should be left out in the cold. That region has more pressing priorities than financially propping up a basketball team.

10 9	Re: So How 'Bout Those Sonics? thefadd. Wed Sep 19, 2007 at 10:59:22 PM EST none

The real shame of the media's racist over reaction to the Pacman incident is that it took Vegas out of that musical chairs game.

It is easy to buy small plaster models of what you think life is like.

10

Re: So How 'Bout Those Sonics?

UkraineNotWeak.

Wed Sep 19, 2007 at 11:40:41 PM EST

3.00 (interesting)

For now, anyway. I think the NBA very much wants to get into Vegas, later now as opposed to sooner.

10

NBA, Saved From Itself

uncarved block.

Thu Sep 20, 2007 at 11:53:11 AM EST

none

I'm in the camp that thinks a team in Vegas would be a disaster, so that was a blessing in disguise as far as I'm concerned. Fair to middling teams have enough trouble competing with television and theaters when it comes to entertainment spending; competing with sex, booze, and gambling strikes me as sheer folly, much less the tamer options like Blue Man Group, retired crooners, and (over)produced plays and musicals. And from what I've heard of the permanent residents . . well, there aren't that many, and they ain't exactly big on the "city pride" thing anyway.
There's a lot of money in Vegas, certainly, but I think it's a dubious proposition that much of it would end up at a basketball arena. YMMV.

Ex ignorantia ad sapientiam; e luce ad tenebras

12

Re: NBA, Saved From Itself

UkraineNotWeak.

Thu Sep 20, 2007 at 12:24:52 PM EST

none

Well, they're building one and possibly two NBA-level arenas in Vegas, so Oscar Goodman and the powers that be disagree with you on the suitability of a pro team there. A pro team would be aimed primarily at permanent residents who do not regularly patronize the casinos, the singers and the shows. I've only been there a couple of times, but my sense is that the locals are hungry for pro sports.

I think Vegas is going to get an NBA team, and it will most likely, and fittingly, be the Kings if Sacramento doesn't pony up for a new arena to replace Arco.

13 9	Rationality? uncarved block. Thu Sep 20, 2007 at 12:02:49 PM EST none

That region has more pressing priorities than financially propping up a basketball team.

But that assumes that the city leaders- heck, even the citizens- would think rationally about the influence and possible lucre a pro sports team can bring a city. From what I've seen and heard in general, and given the hype surrounding the Saints last year, I'm pessimistic that NOLA isn't actually the front running city in any relocation. I like watching sports, but I believe it's reached an unhealthy level of stature and influence in American society, with mayors and city councils being among those most at risk of making silly choices.
BTW, thanks for the info on the Sonics; I'm from the area, but don't really keep up on the local stuff. And welcome to the site!

Ex ignorantia ad sapientiam; e luce ad tenebras

13

Re: Rationality?

UkraineNotWeak.

Thu Sep 20, 2007 at 12:28:49 PM EST

none

The Saints are the only NFL team to actually receive an annual subsidy from the state government to keep them there. I don't see anything wrong with the Superdome, but it doesn't have any of the shiny accoutrements that the newer stadiums possess, and the Saints owner has let it be known that he wants a new stadium. The going rate for new digs is around $1 billion, based on the price tag for the new Dallas Cowboys stadium in Arlington and the New Meadowlands stadium in the NYC/NJ area. People in southern Louisiana about their football, but how is that politically going to be possible with the enormous needs due to Katrina?

Los Angeles is still without a football team and the NFL is going back there at some point. My money is on the LA Saints within the next five years.

8	Re: Minutes Of The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy, Apr thefadd. Wed Sep 19, 2007 at 08:43:41 PM EST none

I know this is labeled "humor," but let's be honest: there is at least one blatant falsehood for each paragraph. I hesitate to use the term "lie" because it's entirely possible that the individual who wrote this is deranged, and believes every word.

You got me. I admit it. I don't actually want anyone to go see the Sonics.

It is easy to buy small plaster models of what you think life is like.

16 8	Re: Minutes Of The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy, Apr UkraineNotWeak. Thu Sep 20, 2007 at 12:30:16 PM EST none

Whaddaya have against Kevin Durant?

17 8	Re: Truth and Lies zyxwvutsr. Fri Sep 21, 2007 at 07:46:10 PM EST none

In a blatant attempt to smear the righteous government of Heir Bush, KSLA CBS TV News in Shreveport, LA, a television station and obvious tool of the devil, recently implied heavily that the US government would be enlisting christian preachers to "quell dissent" in the coming time of martial law, which will be used to stave off the upcoming elections. Go see the Sonics. KSLA's attempts to incite panic among the populace reached such heights that they invoked holy leader Charleton Heston.

LIE The KSLA news report was entirely speculative. It did not say, or imply, that there is a "coming time of martial law," only that "Some fear any nuclear, biological or chemical attack on U.S. soil might trigger just that." (Astute readers will note that "some" is not a source at all, let alone an authoritative one.) Furthermore, the "Clergy Response Teams" mentioned in the article are not part of the US government, and have no connection whatsoever to the US government.
TRUTH The KSLA report did mention Charleton Heston.

So convincing were their salacious claims that they were reported as truth by numerous known communist organizations, not the least of which was the Georgia Office of Homeland Security (search: clergy). KSLA stoked the coals of unrest further still by noting that since the John Warner Defense Appropriation Act for Fiscal Year 2007 gave the President legal standing to usurp Congress's oversight on any suspension of the the century old Posse Comitatus Act, it would be much easier to put the US Army directly on the streets of America.

LIE All of the "news" reports were on the websites of fringe organizations, and all used the same wack-job conspiracy theorist writeup of the KSLA story. (To point out that the conspiracy theorist author took liberties with the truth would be a drastic understatement.)
LIE The Georgia Office of Homeland Security website says nothing at all about martial law, or any role for members of the clergy should martial law ever be declared. All it says is that they offer a course for certain professionals who might be needed to help survivors in a mass-fatality event. Such professionals include, "American Red Cross Health Services, clergy, dentists, emergency management personnel, emergency medical services personnel, fire fighters, funeral directors, law enforcement officers, media (PIOs), medical examiners/coroners, National Guard, public officials, public works personnel, Salvation Army personnel, transportation (railroad, etc.) personnel, and other significant disaster workers." (It seems that, like the clergy, dentists are a crucial part of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy.)
LIE There is no reason to believe that any new law would make it "much easier to put the US Army directly on the streets of America."

Is this such a bad idea, though? Wasn't Heir Bush criticized after Katrina for not being prepared? I mean, after he was criticized for taking everyone's guns, of course.

LIE President Bush had nothing at all to do with the confiscation of firearms in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. The gun confiscation was ordered by New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin.

Of course, it is the even more enigmatic Romans 13:1-7 that is meant to quell unrest in times of government aggression. While some, like Hitler and, according to KSLA CBS TV News in Shreveport, LA, the US Department of Homeland Security, feel that is instills in people an affection for oppressive government regimes, others feel that it free people from the yoke of a wayward government